Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Year, New Struggles, New Triumphs

Hey everyone,
So I'm in a rather melancholy mood right now. But I think it's okay, I'll survive till my mood swings again.

I figured out what my theme for new years is going to be: Love. Because of issues in the past, honestly loving someone without fear of reprisal or betrayal is something I still have yet to completely achieve. But I'm getting there :) God has led me through some incredibly tough times, and shown me a lot of things that have helped me grow this year. I think the biggest thing He has shown me is that I need to learn to cultivate and grow that love, for Him, for my family, for everyone in my life, even for myself. He needs to become first in my life, the one I give all of my love to, wholly and completely. Once I learn to do that, He will show me how to be able to love others completely and openly, without fear or expectation of return, the way it should be. Lastly, but I don't think least importantly, He is going to teach me how to love myself, not in the selfish, self-deserving way the world pushes now, but in the way of respecting myself and my life as a gift from Him, not something to be abused and destroyed for my pleasure.

I'd like to thank all of you who have read this blog even once since I started it in May as an experiment to see how many viewers I could get in a month. It has been a great tool to continue flexing my verbal creativity so it does not atrophy. It has also been a source of encouragement just knowing there are people who read and who just might be able to empathize with my worldview and ideas. We are not alone in our struggles :)
Thank you all again and I hope this new year brings new love, joy, peace, and fulfillment to your lives.
Now, LET'S PARTY!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, December 23, 2011


Two way street.
Traffic comes from both directions. There does not need to be a question of when it will come, how long it will be there or why it has traveled this route. It is simply built knowing it will be used when it is needed. No questions asked.

Realistic expectations.
Without a need for constant affirmation, but instead falling back on resources built up over time to support it when it's sustainance is temporarily suspended.

Unfailing strength.
The ability to stand, unwavering, even in the face of massive adversity. As well as not letting down it's gaurd when left to fend for itself for a period of time.

Sumptuous taste.
Delighting in the experience of indulging in the senses which gratify. Without the need to constantly affirm it's pallet with a non-stop diet of sustaining morsels.

Taking a stand.
Not letting up whatever the circumstance. Not allowing the the subtle or overt advances on it's boundaries to force it to succum. Or the lonely effort without support to lull it into collapse.

Do you really?

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Speed Blogging!

I've got 14 minutes before I have to get off and I'm doing three other things online so this is definitely going to be brief!
I realized after I logged on that I haven't been on here for almost two months....I think I've failed as a blogger. Oh well, it's not like it was going to be a career anyway right?....yeah. Things have been crazy and I've been struggling with fears, doubts, and decisions lately. So much pressure coming in from all sides to do anything and everything other than wait for God's specific call to arms for me. I have to admit I had a hard time paying attention to the sermon this morning due to my lack of rest but God kept me attentive enough to get the main point. That's not actually the one I wanted to talk about though. I was listening to a preacher on the radio this morning as I prepared for church and his words really struck a chord with me. In the 10th chapter of Joshua, Israel is fighting a battle with multiple other kingdoms who banded together because they feared what God's army would accomplish if they fought them. When the battle goes against those five kings, they run and hide in a cave where Joshua, after God tells him where they are, traps them in with large stones while he finishes the fighting. After he is done wiping the dirt up with the soldiers of their armies, Joshua returns to the cave and brings out the five kings. What happened is better than the finish of a movie fight 
scene any day. "And it came to pass, when they brought out those kings unto Joshua, that Joshua called for all the men of Israel, and said unto the captains of the men of war which went with him, Come near, put your feet upon the necks of these kings. And they came near, and put their feet upon the necks of them.25And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight".
They literally stepped all over them!!!! That's just so demeaning and shows so much dominance. But what really hit me about this was the part where he says God will do the same to anyone who tries to fight against them. See he wasn't just applying that to those generals and leaders, God had him say that as a message to me! There is no obstacle, no foe, no sin, no ploy of the devil which I cannot, not only defeat, but put into complete submission to God's power in my life. Where is victory without an opponent??? Those things in life that seem to be getting us down are actually the things that can provide us with our greatest triumphs! This was a very uplifting re-revalation for me.

I could go on all day about this and the stuff I got out of my pastor's sermon but I've already taken 11 minutes longer than I had allotted myself so thanks for reading my "brief" post and I'll try to be back on sooner than another month and a half!